Why oh why is election year a leap year?! Are you effing kidding me??!! We have to live through one EXTRA day of bozos on brain-shrinking steroids telling us what is wrong with our lives and how they can help?! Have we not been tortured enough? What fresh hell is this!
Ok, now that that’s off my chest, the current primary season has been a nightmarish hellscape in the style of Mad Max Fury Road. It’s got me thinking about things I’d rather endure, or live through, than this fight-to-the-death-between-putrid-oozing-boils-on-the-ass-of-all-humanity who are the Republican candidates for President.
So here is my musical ode to the primary season – a season that will result in the dwindling percent of rational Americans having the unenviable choice between an orange clown with half of a viable brain cell and an ethically ambiguous genius who can be bought for a song. Good luck us!
Feel free to sing along to the tune of “My Favorite Things” from that seminal classic, that reminder of my sun-soaked, toffee flavored childhood – The Sound of Music.
These are a few of the things I would prefer to the Republican primary
Robot uprisings and zombified walking corpses
Ebola virus and asteroid impacts-es
Silver white winters that melt polar ice caps-es
These are a few of my favorite apocalypses
Boob crushing mammograms and speculum-ilicious pap smears
Limb amputations without any anesthesia -ers
Whip lash and head lice and parasitic diarrhea-ers
These are a few of my favorite health phobi-ers
People who talk in movies and don’t vaccinate their children
Dum dums who think the world is flat and morality is linked to religion
Cretins who spew nonsense about a young earth and evolution
These are a few of my favorite humans
When the Donald barks, when the Cruz stings
When Rubio blabs
I simply remember these other awful things
And then I don’t feel….so bad
Copyright Random Musings