Do you remember that really old TV show about 6 friends who had extraordinarily bad jobs yet who managed to live in beautiful apartments in NYC and hang out all the time in a coffee shop with no care as to how they were going to pay for the hideously expensive coffee and that one girl who got really famous for her haircut (seriously? Haircut?! What were we all smoking in the 90s?!) ….I’m blanking on the truly imaginative and original name of that show…..Friends!! That’s right! Phew!
Anyway, there was this episode on Friends where Ross and Rachel made a list of 5 famous people that they were allowed to hook up with, if they got the chance, no questions asked.
Well, Dave and I were young and so we too made a list of our 5 famous get-a-free-pass-to-hook-up-with people which we have revisited over the years. So very often I will go – “Ooh, he’s on my list now“. As far as I know Dave’s list hasn’t changed much from 15 years ago – *Halle Berry, Winona Ryder, Ashley Judd, Alyssa Milano, and Tia Carrere….though that last one is more like a placeholder spot and he may have replaced Ms Carrere with Scarlett Johansson! Note – mostly brunettes – so Dave definitely has a type!
Anyway, here is my current list – which Dave looked at and said with true disgust “Didn’t the British colonize your country for 250 years? Shouldn’t you snap out of it sometime soon?!” Yes I suppose I should but blame it on some kind of cultural genetic Stockholm syndrome!
5. Benedict Cumberbatch: He of the intense eyes, floppy hair, and curiously attractive triangular face. I was first introduced to Sherlock Holmes when I was in 5th grade and I loved the books and the character, so this modern version is so satisfyingly cool! Plus he played Khan in the Star Trek movie which has just sealed his nerd girl fantasy street cred!
4. Colin Firth: or as Dave calls him “Colon Fart” – I think he’s just jealous. But in all the times I’ve read Pride and Prejudice since I was 10 years old – and it’s been a lot of times – I confess I had never imagined Mr. Darcy in wet white shirt! To me he was always the aloof haughty man with a tightly cravat-ed collar. But, Holy Victorian Nipples Batman – this scene was a true…..umm, revelation!!
3. Henry Cavill: Hello – eye candy! The man has cheekbones you could carve a steak with – he looks like every hero on the cover of every good historical romance novel ever! But his interviews are so….boring. He’s on this list purely for aesthetic reasons – the less he actually talks, the better!
2. Tom Hiddleston: I’m a Loki girl and not even a little Thor-curious. And the dancing – can we just all stop and look at the dancing! He looks like some gangly manic praying mantis!
1. John Oliver: Because smart is sexy! This man has consistently brought the funny and despite his squeaky voice and crooked teeth, there’s something innately attractive about a person who can prove a point while keeping you entertained… with statistics! Also, he’s now an American citizen so hah Dave – see, they’re not all British!!
Dave is convinced I have a British accent fetish – but I don’t think it’s a fetish, more like fetish-adjacent actually. And really, it’s all accents – a fact for which he should be glad because he himself has a really strong attractive Midwestern accent! But just because I changed Siri to address me in a British voice doesn’t prove anything. If I’m going to be chastised by an inanimate phone voice for taking the wrong turn and not following directions, I’d just rather it be in an upper crust British butler voice.
*Note: Dave has corrected his list of 5 because, as he patiently explained, I obviously never listened to him and yada yada yada he always liked Alyssa Milano! Sorry Dave!