Like all families, we have certain holiday traditions that are pretty sacred. And to explain them to you in all their glory really the best way is via some favorite Christmanukkaholstivus carols. Feel free to sing along!
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring – except the parents who were frantically trying to finish wrapping up gifts all the time stressing that they had somehow bought one child 300 gifts and the other 20 pairs of socks!
Silent Night, holy night, all is calm – until Christmas day when the excrement will hit the rotatory blades!
Joy to the world – for the gift card center at Meijers, Pro-cras-ti-nators Rejoice!!
Have yourself a merry little Christmas – unfortunately your card will be late. But that’s still better than last year when it came on MLK day!
Over the river and through the woods – to the grocery store we go on Christmas eve all the time swearing – never again!
Frosty the snowman – somehow ended up in my children’s snow boots and is now melting all over my living room hardwood floor.
You better watch out, you better not cry – or mom and dad will issue empty threats including coal in your stockings and absolutely no Christmas gifts at all.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire – because we lost power in an ice storm and had to eat the contents of our refrigerator.
Deck the halls with – coats and gloves and scarfs even though we’ve been told repeatedly to put all our crap away – fa la la la la la la la la.
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer – forgot to get a flu shot and is now spewing germs everywhere he goes.
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening, in the lane snow is glistening. A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight, walking with no winter weather advisories…and power!
God rest ye merry Gentlemen – coz apparently the ladies are doing the cooking and cleaning tonight – thanks guys, yeah, we got it!
And the newest family favorite:
On the first day of Christmas my mother gave to me
– a blog of all my most embarrassing childhood memories.
Skipping to the end, this is what the last verse looks like:
On the 12th day of Christmas my mother gave to me –
– 12 I-love-you-even-though-you-drive-me-to-excessive-drink’s,
– 11 this-is-why-we-can’t-have-anything-nice’s,
– 10 are-you-effing-kidding-me’s,
– 9 for-the-love-of’s,
– 8 coz-I-told-you-so’s,
– 7 ultimatums,
– 6 dire warnings for failing to clean my room,
– FIVE CANDY CANES (that I couldn’t eat or my teeth would rot and fall out),
– four burnt homemade cookies,
– three math problems to solve so my brain wouldn’t atrophy over break,
– two of my photos posted to Facebook,
and a blog of all my most embarrassing childhood memories.
From our home to yours – Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus, Happy Solstice, and Happy New Year!