Things that make me question my level of goodness

Recently I was watching this incredibly powerful video of Malala Yousafzai giving a speech at the UN and I couldn’t help thinking to myself – here’s a 16 year old who got shot in the head by the Taliban and FORGAVE the shooter. What’s wrong with me that I go into a homicidal rage when someone cuts in line, takes the last brownie, tries to check out too many items in the express check out lane. In the grand scheme of things, these are at best, nuisances and at worst, time sucks – yet I can let these little things really ruin a day for me.

So maybe I’m not as good/kind/nice as I think I am. Hmmm…. this is not necessarily something to be proud of. Yesterday, a couple of lovely moms at my children’s bus stop made plans to go to yoga later – at which point I commented that I too would be practicing some yoga poses, namely, Downward Facing Cup (of coffee/mimosa) – yeah…that was obnoxious and snarky, and I should probably apologize. Lord knows, a few Sun Salutations would not hurt me!

Another worrying sign has been the explosive anger I felt towards the little 10 year old girl who asked my daughter – “why do you have one eyebrow?” I had to almost physically restrain myself from giving the kid an atomic wedgie. “Hey [name withheld for legal purposes], there’s a big pile of shut-your-stupid-face lying there, go pick it up” – full disclosure, I got this line from the movie Epic and am totally in love with it! Anyway, as I found myself building up a head of steam to go toe-to-toe with a 10 year old – I had to stop and remind myself – she’s 10 and I’m 40 and I have NO business confronting a 10 year old!

And the final indication that I may need to work on my niceness – I’ve always thought of myself as an extremely tolerant person – I support the right of gay couples to marry and adopt, and the legalization of marijuana, and tree hugging – but I’m extremely intolerant of intolerance. Fox News can sometimes whip me into a bubbly frothy rage. So does that negate my original hypothesis of tolerance? If I’m truly tolerant – shouldn’t I also be tolerant of intolerance?

These are deep questions that I need to ponder over with more chocolate and alcohol then I currently have in my system so I’m going to stop right here before I pull a conscience muscle. Tomorrow when I get up I’m going to try to be better than I was today – and hopefully restore my karmic balance – because lord knows I wouldn’t last a day as a fruit fly!


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