Stop the presses, Ashton Kutcher’s real name is Chris!! No way!! And “Chris” gave a speech recently at the Over-Hyped-Underwhelming-Award-Night-for-Self-Obsessed-F*#@wit-Celebrities-With-10%-Bodyfat. And, I really hate to admit this, it sticks in my craw – but it was good. I know he’s an actor and he can deliver a line – but it was self effacing, and humble, and earnest, and …. good! What really pisses me off is that it negates my theory that someone that man-pretty should have a terrible personality – or it just isn’t fair to us mere mortals! What’s he doing being all smart and funny and shit!
If you haven’t seen this panda baby being reunited with its mother – you haven’t lived! And if it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye and a lump to your throat then you are a hardhearted monster and you probably kick puppies and steal candy from children – on days other than Halloween, Easter, Christmas, and Valentines Day!
So there’s this new movie going experience called the D-Box which promises to be “the next greatest thing” that will revolutionize going to the movies! I didnt realize that movie watching was in need of a revolution – but then again what do I know – sounds like the beginnings of a technology spring! And I want to say – this grand revolution…….. its a chair! A CHAIR people!! Ok, a fancy chair that moves and shakes and lets you “experience” going underwater while watching Pacific Rim and flying in space while watching Superman – a fancy chair with actuators and gears and hi-tech systems that will rock you and shake you wildly as you watch the next greatest action film -all for the low extra price of another $10! Wait a minute – I have a 7 year old who can sit behind you in the theater and provide the same service for the price of that extra ticket!! Now, I’m a little bit of a snob when it comes to movies – I want to watch them, I want to be blown away by good acting and a gripping story and good direction and fantastic special effects – not by a vibrating cushion on a chair that someone else has had their behind vibrated on!
On the other hand – I cant wait to watch the movie adaptation of 50 Shades of Grey on the D-Box – who’s with me?!!