So my plan to blog three times a week has run into something that I never foresaw – writer’s block! How is this even possible – I don’t have talker’s block – ever!! Even when my friends and family beg me to just shut up!! So I’ve got about 5 blogs in various states of completion but none that I can look at and say – aha, here is a worthy successor to my post about epically failing to drape a sari! This blog post is going to be about a lot of things with no real relation between them – not that my other posts have suffered from a huge surfeit of cohesiveness – but this one in particular consists of completely unrelated vignettes – rather like a Robert Altman film.
Thursday nights are usually girls night out in our neighborhood, a chance for us to get together and chat and drink and solve world problems and snack and drink and exchange ideas and – did I mention drink? But recently I’ve been on a low-carb diet (my various diets need their own blog), so I indulged in a Bacardi and diet coke – please don’t tell me the actual carb content, I like to think its 0 – this type of delusional thinking is why, to a large extent, all my diets are unsuccessful. Anyway, there were quite a few different types of dips and chips and since I am avoiding carbs I just took a spoon and ate the dips. Now, the reason I love all these women is – they didn’t judge me, or roll their eyes – they just asked me not to double spoon – a very reasonable request which I graciously granted, by using one spoon to put the dip on my spoon – a win win solution! I love that I belong to a group where it is completely permissible for one friend to tell another heavily pregnant friend to please not sit on the cloth chairs – and no ones feelings are hurt!
I was watching the news yesterday and the newscaster started a story about how there was a new scam being perpetrated on communities where people didn’t speak English. It was a really informative story till she started telling viewers how to protect themselves from scam artists who targeted non-English speaking people …. in English! I think its really important that newscasters know their audience!
Now I have always thought that if there were any celebrity I resembled it would be Katie Holmes – I’m like the older, fatter, less hotter version – yes, this may seem a little narcissistic but if you squint your eyes and dim the lights and take a couple of shots of tequila you’ll see it too – like one of those paintings that just looks like triangles until you stare really hard at it and cross your eyes and suddenly you see dolphins playing beach volleyball! So one day I was having breakfast with some friends and the sweet old waitress told me that I reminded her of that girl on TV. I got really excited – finally vindication!! I said – “do you mean that Katie Holmes from Dawson’s Creek?” And yes, I do know that Dawson’s Creek hasn’t been on the air since before smart phones, but work with me here!! The sweet old waitress looked at me and slowly shook her head and said – “nooo, the funny one who plays a gynecologist on that new sitcom” – effing Mindy Kaling! My friend thinks that waitress was a little racist! I’m incredibly excited though – Mindy Kaling rocks – and it could have been worse – the waitress may have thought I looked like Apu from the Simpsons! What celebrity do you think you resemble?